One of my fictional idols once said, "One day you're 17 and you're planning for someday, and then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today, and then someday is yesterday and this is your life."
I've had a 10-year plan since I was 17. I've been planning for "someday" (and every other day) for as long as I can remember -- but I never really planned my wedding day, even though I ended up right beside the guy who, at 17, I was hoping would be at the end of the aisle when I walked down it "someday".
Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook... they all make you think that a picture-perfect wedding is necessary for a happy ending, but you don't need perfect, you just need the perfect fit for you. The little things will be a blip on the radar if you have the right person by your side (i.e.: my sobbing miniature bride).
At 17 I said I'd graduate by 21, be married at 22, and have 2 kids before 30. Nothing went according to plan. I got my Master's at 22, got married at 25, and at 26 the idea of even one kid scares the ever-living shit out of me.
Plans. We make them and the universe laughs, so I shouldn't be surprised that my wedding day was no different.
Nothing goes according to plan; and in a way, that's what makes life so inexplicably beautiful.
I spent 18 months planning for our wedding day, and BOY did I plan. My little blue wedding book became my Bible. From the guest list to the thank-you cards, I did nearly everything (short of the cooking) myself.
I refused to meet the "average" wedding cost in the US (Which, in case you're wondering, is about $26,000.)
At the end of the day, as long as we ended up married, I knew the details wouldn't matter; but I'm so glad so many of them came together, because even the ones that didn't paled in comparison to all the things that I didn't plan for -- my husband's vows that left me wonderstruck, my bridesmaids & parents who went out of their way to hide every mishap from me, the awe-inspiring view and weather that could've only been a gift from God...
I've looked back on the day over and over; and while I'm not naive enough to believe that I had the most amazing wedding to ever happen on planet Earth, it sure feels that way.
I'd be lying if I said there weren't moments that made me momentarily flustered... like when I realized we were short 7 boutonnieres, when we weren't ready on time and missed out on extra pictures with my bridal party, or when I saw that people were too intoxicated to figure out how to do Chinese wish lanterns for our exit; but like I said before, all of those moments made for some hilarious memories: Frantically assembling boutonnieres in the basement with my bridesmaids, Anesia's panicked run to the van to make it to the chapel, and everyone's lanterns (literally) crashing and burning.
At the end of the day, the details really didn't matter -- because we were married.
There were pieces that went so right. Our ceremony was custom-fit to our relationship. We asked a mutual family friend (who could pass for my 2nd father most days) to officiate our ceremony, knowing he knew us well enough to add what we needed to hear. He's known us both our entire lives (me literally since I entered the world and Tyler since he was 7), so he was hesitant to accept our offer, but I can't imagine anyone else pulling it off the way he did (sex allusions and all).
The "littles" in our wedding were the next generation of kids who were in my parents' ceremony. Hopefully they're a good luck charm and we're able to make it to a quarter-century with just a few hiccups like my parents have managed to do.
Our reception wasn't anything normal, either. For our first dance, we invited couples at different milestones to join us on the floor -- high school sweethearts, followed by couples married for a year, followed by those married for 5 years, 10 years, and so on. We were Iced (yes, like Smirnoff Ice) during the Maid-of-Honor's speech. My dad and I's dance brought down the house with more than a few unorthodox moves (especially for Dennis).
I've spent my life making plans and then watching them go awry, so none of the above should have come as a shock.
Despite wanting Tyler to be the man I one day married at 17, he was the one thing I never saw going according to plan. I never saw him coming. He was not the plan, but here we are, married.
So here's what I'll say to anyone planning their wedding, whether it's a fictional Pinterest wedding for when the man of their dreams they haven't yet met, or a real-life happily-ever-after already in the works: Stop.
Stop planning, stop worrying, stop spending -- just stop planning for long enough to realize that without you noticing, someday will be here. When someday comes, it won't matter how much money you spent, who made your invitations, or what was on the menu... it will matter that you're married.
If you are more caught up in table arrangements than arranging a future with your partner, then you're missing the point.
If people worked half as hard at their marriage as they do planning their weddings, we wouldn't see so many failing marriages.
Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook... they all make you think that a picture-perfect wedding is necessary for a happy ending, but you don't need perfect, you just need the perfect fit for you. The little things will be a blip on the radar if you have the right person by your side (i.e.: my sobbing miniature bride).
Plans...
18 months...
485 days...
11,648 hours...
698,880 minutes...
...and now someday is yesterday, and this is my life. & I'm so damn glad that it is.
